Bitter Southerner Family Practices: Football Eats & Drinks
By Chuck Reece
In the South, many of us who will go to insane levels of preparation for a tailgate party. But the truth is, most of us spend football Saturdays on the couch, staring at the tube.
We wanted to know what Bitter Southerners require for maximum enjoyment during a Saturday football couch party. About six weeks ago, as we began to sense the football feeling rising in our spirits once again, we asked The Bitter Southerner Family to tell us two things:
What do you like to eat when you watch college football?
What do you like to drink when you watch college football?
The evidence is clear: Y’all like beer. A lot — and especially with college football. While a small but solid group specified craft beer, usually with a caveat that began “preferably one from (insert where you live here),” the majority spoke loudly and with a single word: “beer.” A few actually specified “cheap beer.” (As one of you noted, “This is a marathon, not a sprint.”) But our favorite answer came from the reader who specified beer but added, “For any game I’m worried about: bourbon.”
This surprised us, but “a nice cold Coca-Cola,” as one reader put it, came in solid at No. 2. And that doesn’t even account for the “bourbon and” or “Jack and” people.
Bourbon and ginger ale
Surprising again, but bourbon and ginger very clearly got the nod over bourbon and Coke.
A mere three readers mentioned the bloody. A surprise, perhaps, but maybe not: A good Bloody Mary takes work, and we ain’t working. We’re watching ball.
Our conclusion: The typical Bitter Southerner reader will spend a college football Saturday pacing one’s self. Couple beers, then maybe a Coca-Cola, and if things get rough, the whiskey will come out. But every group has its iconoclasts, like the gentleman who swore by “Dr. Pepper and Four Roses.” Somebody’s gonna have to give that dude a ride home.
By far, chicken wings are your favorites. A few of you specify certain sauces, but in this category, most of the winning answers were one word: “wings.”
Chips and …
This was interesting. A large contingent of our chip-eating readers specified dip made with Ro-Tel, those delicious mash-ups of diced tomatoes and chili peppers in a can. Ro-Tel’s origins are in Elsa, Texas. We endorse this choice fully.
Well, duh. Of course.
Our conclusion: Y’all like to keep the eats easy. Maximize football time and minimize kitchen time. You got your priorities straight.