The ”F“ You Say

August 12, 2026
—
Originally Published in Issue No. 14 of The Bitter Southerner Magazine

In your Instagram bio, you call yourselves, “A couple of southern, old-ish, liberal, veterans & our money pit, old AF home in Detroit.” Let’s unpack some of that. First of all, how did you become such a fierce advocate for women and the LGBTQ+ community? Patriarchy doesn’t work for anybody. It doesn’t work for men, it doesn’t work for women. It’s something that Dave and I talk about all the time. My girlfriends and I talk about it. It’s why I ended up in Women and Gender Studies to gain a better understanding of what I was feeling, but couldn’t put words to. If we don’t figure this out, we will just keep saddling other generations with the same problems that we’re dealing with. I think authoritarianism is a sidebar of patriarchy. And right now the chickens are coming home to roost in the ugliest of ways in our country. We’ve got to figure it out, but we’re never gonna figure it out unless we start talking about it. And I love it that you’re having this conversation. I love it even more, being a part of it.

How did you end up in Gender Studies? I grew up in Arkansas and I went to Oklahoma State for my undergraduate. My first degree was all sciences, a health and fitness degree. I always wanted to take more liberal arts classes, but my mother was like: Girl, you ain’t never gonna make any money with that stuff. I’m not paying for that. After college I ended up going into the Army on active duty. Later on, I got out of the Army, fell in love with Dave, married him, and followed him from job to job. 

In Indiana I was newly married. He was gone all the time. All the time. I was above the Mason-Dixon line, something no one in my family had done since my people came here, Kyle. I didn’t have friends, I didn’t have family. I didn’t have Dave. I didn’t have a job, but I did have the GI Bill. There was a little university down the street, so I thought, I’ll just go down there and see if they’ll have anything to do with me. And I got in! The GI Bill covered it, and that’s where I ended up getting a general studies degree with a minor in Women and Gender Studies.

Was your mother a working mom? Yeah, my mother supported our whole family. At some point my mom said to my dad, You just keep your money. I’ll make all the money from here on out. So my dad didn’t pay for us. My mother paid for everything. She put all three of us girls in college.

Did they stay together, your mom and dad? They stayed together for 32 years. Then, when I was in college, and I came home for the weekend, Mom and Dad sat us all down at the table, and they said, “We’re gonna get a divorce.” And we were like, It’s about fucking time! They were both great, but, I mean, neither of them were having fun. So they got a divorce. When my dad went through his settlement (real fast) my mother bought an ostrich ranch in Roland, Arkansas, and put my daddy up on it. He had his truck, and his cigarettes, and his ostriches, and his house, and was living his best life. And little by little, Kyle, Mom would go spend the weekends out there with him. That’s where she went to unwind. And they became the best of friends, and she slid right back into that side of the bed out in Roland. Daddy stayed out there during the week, and Mom went out there on the weekends. And they were together for the rest of their lives.

Kris, when I hear this story about your mother, I see that patience and care in you. The way you speak to all of us on the internet, to Dave, to your friends on the internet, and your friends in real life. I see that in you. Are you like your mom? I am. Now, I do wish I had gotten my daddy’s body. He was real tall and thin.

Ha! I think you’re just right. You’re one of how many sisters? I have two older sisters. No brothers, no boys. Truly a matriarchal family. My mother has two sisters. My father was an only child, so all my cousins were girls, except there’s one token boy who moved to the Middle East. So, you know, it’s always been women.

Kris, tell me about your career up until now. I worked with my mother who owned a private physical therapy clinic in Arkansas. And then I went into the Army, left the Army, then worked for my family’s business again. Fast forward and I fell in love with Dave and started following him around. Dave retired from active military, and the job he chose at that time was military related but didn’t speak to his soul. He was supposed to go away for only 30 days, but ended up in Iraq for a year.

Y’all were apart for a year? Yeah. And that’s when I went to Indiana University, South Bend. The culture in that Women and Gender Studies program, I swear to sweet Baby Jesus, Kyle, that program kept me alive.

It changed your life? For life. It was an instant community. Oh, my God, it was amazing. Then in about 2008, Dave comes back from Iraq and says, “I think I’m going to take a job outside of Detroit.” I was like, The fuck you say? At that time, Detroit’s mayor was in the pokey. The city was bankrupt. They were talking about selling the art at the Detroit Institute of Arts — one of the best museums in the United States because of all the money that was here during the automotive boom. The DIA is unbelievable, with murals by Diego Rivera. But the city had ended up in receivership, no street lights ... People are like: Girl, don’t stop at the stoplights; don’t stop at the stop signs. They will carjack your ass. Hell, I think the chief of police got carjacked at a gas station. It was horrible, and I was like: You’re crazy, David. That’s not happening. By 2010, my ass was up here. We were buying a house in the suburbs. And it was great. We had a lovely place, but we spent all of our time in the city. It was so crazy when we first got here, but we fell in love with it.

So when did you buy the house downtown? It took some time. We lived in the suburbs but we spent all of our time downtown because the art museum is here, history, music, everything. Despite all the horrible things that were being said, the city just started coming back and coming back and coming back. And David and I were like, Why are we still living in the suburbs? Girl, we spent two years looking for a house in this neighborhood. These houses are so old. Some of these houses were selling for $30,000. So many of the houses were empty. Squatters were in them. It was crazy. Anyway, the house we live in now came on the market, and they were accepting VA loans. David and I couldn’t get our asses down here fast enough. And this is where we are now.

Well the entire internet loves that house. It’s amazing. Kris, have you ever, in an interview, told the story of meeting Dave? How y’all fell in love? Girl, don’t nobody interview me.

I wanna know. Everybody wants to know. You are the cutest couple on Instagram. Oh, my God. So in 1996, I joined the military, but deferred for a year, and started in 1997. I enlisted in the Army. I had a bachelor’s degree from Oklahoma State, which means I went in as a specialist. I started at Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri. I showed up on a bus in the middle of the night, and I swear to sweet Baby Jesus, I thought I heard banjos playing. I was like, Oh, Lord, I’ve made a grave miscalculation. It felt like the middle of nowhere. We called it Fort Lost in the Woods.

I started basic training, but I had really bad hip problems, and I was really, really struggling. I was almost all the way through the program, and I got released because of my hip. And I fought it. I fought it tooth and nail. I had to go in front of the boards. I had to get paperwork, I had to get doctors, everything. I was like, You will not release me. Don’t tell me I can’t do something, because now I’m just gonna have to double down and do it even more. I went before the medical board with my case, and they finally said, “We’ve never really had someone who fought to stay in like this. Most people want to get out of basic training.” Finally they said I could stay in. I signed a waiver that said I would never hold the military liable for my hip, and I started training all over from day one.

And the day I showed up at my new unit, I reported to Dave.

Ohhhh, how’d that go? It was great. I mean, well, it wasn’t great. We weren’t friends. Dave wasn’t nice. But he wasn’t mean; he was fair. He wasn’t there to make friends, he wasn’t there to make you feel at home. He was there to train the shit out of you. In my first training cycle, there were two females. It was me and one other woman, out of a training cycle of 200 or 300 soldiers. My second basic training, there were nine females. I was 27 years old. I already had a bachelor’s degree. Most of those girls, their most significant life event up to that day was prom. I had lived overseas. I had traveled extensively. I lived in Korea, taught English. I had been growing up for a while. So that’s how Dave and I met, because I ended up being one of his trainees. We weren’t friends, but I had a respect for him, because you find out really quickly who the good ones are. So moving along with this story, I was sent to Germany, and one day I got the roster of new folks. I saw his name on it. And one day, I was walking to go to an event, and I saw Dave, and I said, “Sergeant Hutton! Hey, man, I’m going to a picnic with our brigade commander and our command sergeant major. Come with us; I’ll introduce you around.” From then on out, we became good friends. And we just became good friends because at the time Dave was married. I ended up staying in Europe for another two years.

Where were you? A few clicks outside of Frankfurt. We stayed friends for years. At one point I was stationed in Missouri, my daddy was really ill. Big Sid had been circling a drain for years. And I was having to go back and forth to Arkansas quite a bit. I had a boyfriend. I was in love. I was in love all the time! Girl, I’ve been engaged. [Dave walks into the room laughing and Kris calls out, “Baby, will you make me another cup?”] I’ve been engaged a gajillion times; it’s the family joke. And, um, anyway, I was home in Arkansas ...

Wait, did you just say I’ve been engaged a gajillion times? How many times, Kris? Um, probably three or four, maybe more. People get engaged a lot in the military. You know, anytime you’re getting ready to deploy, you think, Oh, my God, I’m not coming back. I gotta get married now. This could be the one. Dave has seen me through many engagements. So I’d come back home to Arkansas, and my boyfriend was here with me, and I got a call from Dave, and he said, “Hey, can I come visit you while you’re down in Arkansas?” And I said, “Listen, I’m busy. Daddy’s sick as hell. I am here with my boyfriend. I just don’t have any time.” He was like, “Let’s just get together and have a cup of coffee.” I said, “All right. We’ll get a cup of coffee on Thursday between 11:40 and 12:15. That’s all the time I have.” At the time, I still called him Sergeant. And he goes, “Okay.” So, we met at the Cracker Barrel. He shows up, girl, and he looks like shit. Oh, yeah. And I’d known him for years, he looked terrible, Kyle.

What was wrong? I didn’t know. We had our cup of coffee at Cracker Barrel, and as we wrapped up the conversation, I said, “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on in your personal life, but it’s manifesting itself physically in you. You look like shit. You need to square yourself away. I’ve never seen you look like this, and I’m worried.”

Before you said that, did this conversation go on longer than the 35 minutes you had allotted him? No. We were there about 15 minutes or so. I had to get back to my hot ass boyfriend. [Laughs.]

So you said, “You look like shit.” And then what happened? He left, and I left and went on about my business. A couple days later, I get an email from him. Kyle, he types like this. Doink, doink, doink, doink, doink, doink. And this email was long. I assume it took him forever to type. He must have worked on it for 48 hours. And I’m reading it, and this is what it says: “Kris, I need you to know that I love you. And I have been in love with you for a long time. And I know you are in a relationship, and you are happy. I want you to know that if you are ever free, I’ll be here waiting on you. I am going to square my life away and finally do what I needed to do for a long time. I’ll always be here for you.”

Awww. Oh, I love y’all. [Dave, who has walked back into the room, is getting teary. He wipes his eyes, laughing:  “I’m fine. It’s allergies. It’s allergy season.”] 

So, what, did you not respond? Is that what you were about to tell me? I said, “Listen, I am dating somebody. I am in love. I love being your friend, truly. It’s one of the highlights of my life, but I just don’t feel that way about you.” Dave was like, “Okay. Okay. That’s how you feel. That’s fine.” But Dave started figuring out how to win the situation. As a combat veteran, he knew that you always have to have a plan. He put some strategy in place. He starts visiting my family down in Arkansas. Oh, wait, hold on. I gotta tell you the other part about that 15-minute coffee we had. The reason he looked so shitty, is he had just pulled 24 hours of duty in a row. He’d been awake for 24 hours. Got off 24-hour duty and got on a Harley-Davidson, rode it through the Ozark Mountains five hours, down to Arkansas in the blazing hot summer, to have a 15-, 20-minute cup of coffee with me. The man had not slept at that point in over 30 hours.

And you did not find that out till much later. Much later.

So when did you give over to all this, Kris? I started to see him differently. Hmmm, I don’t see him as my friend. I’m like, He’s kinda hot. He’s... he’s really funny. Eventually, we started dating and six months after we’ve been dating, he asked me to marry him. And I did.  

Thank you so much for telling us the story. So from basic training to the day you walked down the aisle, how long was that? Seven years. We married in September 2004.

A seven-year project. I love it. Okay, let’s fast forward to how you found yourself where you are now. Like, how did all this happen? Accidentally, Kyle. It’s all an accident. I know there are people out there who have strategies. I’m married to a strategy person, but I’m not. It just kind of happened organically. I’m just at the right place at the right time.

Kris Cravens-Hutton, her husband Dave Hutton and their dog Remington. (Photo by Dave Hutton)

You’re more than an influencer, Kris. You are part of this group of badass activist women leading the charge. How did you end up doing this? Detroit is this really special place. As a liberal woman, I feel very safe and protected here. You don’t see a lot of MAGA hats. I don’t know if I would have the voice I have now, at this level, if I was still living in parts of Arkansas, or Oklahoma, or Texas. I feel very safe with my voice here. Dave is an incredible partner, and I feel exceedingly safe with him. He always has my back, no matter what. So that helps a lot. 

Kris, I feel the same. I mean, we evolve as people over the course of a lifetime, but there have definitely been periods of my life where this would not have happened. I feel lucky to be right here, right now, doing this work. But what happened for you? Was there a big Instagram moment that set you on this course? Dave and I had decided to decorate our house for Pride. And, honestly, I didn’t know if I was allowed to do that as a straight woman. So I called one of my friends and neighbors, and he laughed in my face. He was like: Yeah, girl, knock yourself out. You’re okay. You can decorate your porch for Pride. So we did. That’s when our account really grew. Anyway, we decorated for Pride, and a guy pulls up in front of the house, and he tells me to take my Pride flag down. He didn’t say shit about the 40-foot Pride installation of flowers. But he did notice the flag. I’m like: The flag is 3 by 5, dude. You don’t notice that 40-foot installation of flowers? Oh, okay. He wasn’t mean or cruel. I mean, he wasn’t being threatening, but he definitely wanted me to understand that I needed to take my flag down and I wasn’t gonna do that. And, you know, you don’t think of the clapback in the moment, you think about the clapback at  2 a.m. So I woke up the next morning, went down to the kitchen, was making a cup of coffee, and, uh ... And I just picked up my phone, turned on the camera, said the things that I wish I had said, and I hit post. It went viral for the first time. I mean, I had never experienced anything like that. It freaked me out.

And I think we were part of that, weren’t we? Didn’t The Bitter Southerner ... Is that the one we reposted? That’s how we got to know you. Yes, that’s right. But it scared the shit out of me. I started getting troll comments. I didn’t know how to handle that. You know, as Southern women, we’re raised to be liked. And I was making things awkward, but I was making them awkward for the right reasons, and what I realized, through all that, is, there’s some people, I’m real proud, they don’t like me. That is a win.

Yep, we grew up people-pleasing. It’s so liberating to put that behind you. Yes, and you know there’s lots of reasons why I’m an advocate for the Pride community, but the way they showed up for me, in a time where I felt really vulnerable, was like having someone give me an injection of steel down my spine. I think that’s also part of why, how I started to really find my voice as well, is I realized that you could be an ally and an advocate for an organization, but that’s a two-way street. People, they watch out for you. It was just like nothing I had ever truly experienced before. When I was still up in the suburbs, I didn’t have the courage to put a Hillary sign in my yard. I didn’t have the courage to put a sign in my yard. I just was politically very much in the closet.

Kris, what are you excited about right now? Oh, my gosh, what am I excited about? I’m excited that for the first time in my lifetime I see people getting engaged in politics. I think more people realize what’s at stake. Minimum wage in our country sucks. There is no universal health care. How many people do I know where one partner has to leave the workforce because they can’t afford childcare, or worse, you’re active duty military, trying to get childcare. Oh, my God. It shouldn’t be like this. More people are realizing that all of us are subsidizing a shitty version of health care for Americans, for our fellow people, because corporations are greedy. I’m excited about the idea that people are starting to catch on, that we all deserve better.

How do you feel about what’s coming in November? Well, I live in Michigan, and we have a great secretary of state here. We have a great attorney general. I feel very protected with that stuff. But I feel like the president and this administration have worked exceedingly hard to undermine our elections, both in tangential ways, and also in a propaganda campaign to get people to disenfranchise themselves. With all that said, I still think we’re gonna have an epic turnout. 

Yes! I believe it will be a historic turnout. I’m very excited. Okay, last questions. Have you gotten any blowback with your language? Uh huh. [Laughs.] I can’t believe it. I get it from women and men: “I would listen to your message, but I just can’t tolerate your language.” Listen, I’ve watched women clutch their pearls around me my whole life, girl. My whole life, Kyle. I think that’s just a way for them to not hear hard things. It gives them an out.

Yeah. That’s the perfect way to sum it up. For a woman to speak with authority and power, and to use strong language, is really hard for some people to hear. Especially where we come from. 

Is there anything that is on your mind that you want to share with The Bitter Southerner readers? How can we help you, Kris? I think there’s no long-term strategy for the Democratic Party without the South. We need to recognize our power as Southern people. We need to start mobilizing, and activating, and reaching into our networks, and building community, and building political power. I can see what’s happening in Southern states. I can see what’s happening in my home state of Arkansas. And we all deserve so much better. I need more Southerners to get engaged. So that all Southerners vote in their best interest. I was raised to never talk money, politics, or religion. I have said it a million times, that’s not served me well. And I know other women, in my generation, were raised the same way. And these women are smart AF. I just need them to start being a lot more vocal to go ahead and make that girl in your Pilates class a little uncomfortable. I think a lot of states are red because they’re gerrymandered within an inch of their life. I think Southerners are magnificent people, with a magnificent history. We got some ugly parts too, but so does everybody. Don’t discount Southern voices. If you’re living in a place outside of the South, lean into your Southernness and bring some of your Yankee friends with you. 

Is that what you’ve done in Detroit? Let your Southernness help you win hearts and minds? God, I hope so. If I had one other thing to say, it would be this. I need my fellow Southerners to start building a deeper bench down South. I know magnificent people down there who would be incredible leaders of our country, whether it is on the local, the state, or the federal level. I need them to step into the arena. I need them to run for office. 

Kris, that makes me want to cry. I cannot tell you enough how much I appreciate your publication. It is truly, truly one of the jewels.  ◊